New "old car" shopping

I really hate shopping for cars, especially used cars. Not only do I know nothing about automobiles, but even if I did I am confident that the salespeople would find a way to conceal any flaws. Each time we pull into a car dealership to look at a car for me - we spend 1/2 the time trying to talk the salesman into not following us through the parking lot. It requires communication techniques that verge on that of an Emmy award winning actor. Thank goodness my lack of mechanical affinity is made up for in acting prowess. The first rule of "salesman avoidance" is to greet him or her and accept the business card they offer. This may seem counter intuitive, but actually if you avoid contact they will hunt you down like prey. They assume that it was an error that no one made contact with you, and will expend enormous effort to rectify the situation. The second rule is to assure them that you are not there to buy today, but when you are ready to purchase you will be sure to call the number on their business card. This seems to disorient the predator, as they don't want to waste time on customers that have no money to spend. If you find that the salesman is not completely shaken from your trail and they are following you from a distance as you peruse the lot, it is imperative that you shuffle aimlessly throughout the cars. Amble between SUVs, Minivans, Sporty Coupes, and Trucks. Whatever you do, never look at the salesperson following you. No eye contact must be made. If they think that you are aware of their presence they will try to "chat you up." If pleasantries are exchanged, you are sunk. Abort mission and return another day.
I recognize that you may not be finished, their may be a car that you are interested in. Too bad- there will be no dealing today. They know you like it - they've seen the glimmer in your eye from 50 feet away. The price of the that car just went up by 10%.
The Internet is the best way to shop for cars. You may say, "but you have no idea how that car handles." That is true - but it has been my experience that the virtual car is perfect. It is in mint condition, mechanically sound, and loaded to the max - all for a rock bottom price. The cyber car is the CAR for me. No salesman, no hassles, and no headaches - only problem is it only works in a digital world. Sonja Sims here I come!