Apologia

I remember the final weeks before delivery like it was yesterday; unfortunately, it was 21 years ago. Experts refer to it as "nesting" but my husband called it insanity; an ADHD wonderland. Our home was awash in semicompleted baby projects and adrenaline. And because I was an informed mother of 2, I had included a big brother and even bigger sister in the festivities. We were having fun but accomplishing very little. The baby's room had a menagerie of crayon animals that were sure to spark imagination (or plant the seeds for future phobias.) The crib was home to an avalanche of plush creatures eager to welcome the future resident. A high chair, with only one leg caked in fossilized mashed potatoes and applesauce, had transformed our kitchen table from a perfectly symmetrical square into an unbalanced rhombus. Little did any of us know that the frenzy that preceded the arrival of the final member of our tribe would pale in comparison to the chaotic joy that would follow. F...

Dear Intimidating, Inhospitable, Insurmountable Place, I would like to beg you to show a shred of compassion for my girls. They may seem strong and independent, but really it is a facade. They are fragile and with one harsh word or aggressive look they can be broken. There are plenty of others that you can bully, so pick any one of them. If you need actual names, they can be provided. It would be my pleasure to invite you to our home, once we have one. We would love to make your acquaintance and impress upon you what a wonderful family we are. I am sure that once you meet us you will realise that we are worthy of your compassion. Thank you for taking the time to read my request. Please contact me if you have any further questions. Sincerely, Sonja Miller

Now the experts would say that the two things, training and loving, are not mutually exclusive. Conventional wisdom says that uncivilized creatures are far from happy, and those that cohabit with the uncivilized quickly become UNHAPPY! Trust me when I say that communing with nature is not my forte and bringing a mongrel into my home is dangerously close to resembling Jane Goodall's research with Gorilla's. Unfortunately I lack Jane's patience and serenity the key elements to having a successful relationship with animals. My new puppy, Annie, who vaguely resembles a little monkey, has decided that she prefers cuddles to commands. Who can blame her. I would much rather curl up in the arms of a loved one, lazing away the hours as opposed to sitting auspiciously waiting for some overgrown beast to allow me to "Come." Who among us would choose to take care of our bodily functions on command, and in public no less. Add to that the humiliation of someone forcing you to w...

I really hate shopping for cars, especially used cars. Not only do I know nothing about automobiles, but even if I did I am confident that the salespeople would find a way to conceal any flaws. Each time we pull into a car dealership to look at a car for me - we spend 1/2 the time trying to talk the salesman into not following us through the parking lot. It requires communication techniques that verge on that of an Emmy award winning actor. Thank goodness my lack of mechanical affinity is made up for in acting prowess. The first rule of "salesman avoidance" is to greet him or her and accept the business card they offer. This may seem counter intuitive, but actually if you avoid contact they will hunt you down like prey. They assume that it was an error that no one made contact with you, and will expend enormous effort to rectify the situation. The second rule is to assure them that you are not there to buy today, but when you are ready to purchase you will be sure to call the...

Three days, 10 hours, 60 forms, 2 tearful breakdowns, and 1 tirade and finally all three of my children are enrolled in their new schools. What has become of the educational system in the United States of America when a young woman who enjoys learning and repeatedly chooses challenging courses is required to drop AP European History, Latin, Orchestra, and Creative Writing so she can fulfill state requirements of PE, World history, World Geography, Technology, and Speech? What is even more shocking is that Emma's new school gives a full PE credit for an 18 week/90 minute class of Football, Cheerleading, or Dance. Since when did these subjects begin being taught during the school day? I thought they were supposed to be extra curricular activities - but not here in Texas. Emma has opted to take her PE requirement (she already has 2 credits but needs 1/2 more) outside of school so she can take academic courses during the day. To our amazement her course will be offered as a cor...

Tonight my family and I went to see the movie "The Blind Side." What a lovely story with a timeless message. There were many moments when I found myself biting my lip and holding back tears; tears of joy, pain, and every emotion in between. I was most struck by how the Tuohy family met Micheal Oher and began their unusual family journey. Some may believe that Mrs. Tuohy was a philanthropist that scoured the city's underprivileged areas looking for "needy" youths to help. In reality she drove past a sight that was so unusual it made forced her to take a second look. That picture was an extremely large black young man walking along the side of a road of her upper middle class community, on a cold, rainy night. Her first step was to stop her car and ask the young man where he was going. When her told her the gym - she turned her car and headed off in the opposite direction. Problem was that the answer didn't "feel" correct. The second choice she made ...